Turning Suffering into a Growing Experience

Rebbetzin Jungreis is a survivor of the Holocaust, the most recent episode of suffering for the Jewish People. It would have made "sense" to loose faith in G-d and Judaism, like many did. Instead, the Rebbetzin speaks of G-d, His Greatness and surprisingly, His Kindness. She is a living lesson of turning a time period of suffering into a growing experience. She took all the years at Auschwitz, the screams, the fire, and the pain, and used it to become the incredible Rebbetzin.

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We all have suffering, personal and communal. Pain is inevitable, however, suffering is a choice. We cannot control the challenges that Hashem sends in our lives; we can control how we respond. This idea is best conveyed in an excerpt from an article by the Rebbetzin in the Jewish Journal:

"Undoubtedly, we are living in the midst of terrible crises - global terror and personal tragedy have visited many of us. How do we understand it all? How do we respond to such calamities? Our Torah, as well as the Holy Tongue in which it was written, provide us with insights.In Hebrew, the word for crisis is mashbair," which in Torah language also means "birthing stone." This teaches us that crises can also be an opportunity for birth, for new life.

"This concept is especially pertinent to our generation, for we are the generation that is living in the period of Chevlei Moshiach(birthpangs of Messiah), and birthpangs can be very painful, especially when the contractions come hard and fast. However, every mother who undergoes that experience is able to accept her pain because she knows that she will soon hold new life in her arms and that makes it all worthwhile.

"Indeed, on Tisha B'Av, the most tragic day in the Jewish calendar year, when we mourn the destruction of Jerusalem and our holy Temple, it is exactly this concept that we express in our Kinnos (Lamentations): "Eli Tzion..." "Weep for Zion and her cities like you would weep for a woman in labor." So, instead of allowing these tragedies to sap you of hope and heart, they should spur you on to greater commitment an devotion in your service of HaShem, for that is the only way to respond to suffering, to neutralize the angel of death, and to hasten our redemption, the coming of Messiah".

Understanding suffering is the first step. Growing and utilizing suffering is the most important step:

"Remember the teaching of our Torah in regard to Lot's wife. Despite the warning of the angels, she looked back and as a result, turned into a pillar of salt. There is an allegorical meaning to this. If you live in the past, you become atrophied, you cannot go forward. "Ma d'hava, hava" ?"What was, was," is the teaching of our sages. You must learn from the past, but at the same time, not be paralyzed by it.

"Move on, for that is the only was in which you can hope to have a better today and tomorrow. If you want to live a meaningful life, if you want your children to remember you with love and respect, then remember that G-d re-creates the world every day, and if you will it, He will re-create you as well".

Once again, her wisdom enlightens our path...

The Month of Mourning, The Month of Father

Every month has its message. It would seem that the message of the month of Av is suffering.

The most memorable date of this month is Tisha B'AV, the 9^th of Av, on which we fast and mourn the destruction of both our Holy Temples, destroyed on the very same day, although centuries apart. That in itself should give us pause, for it testifies that there is a Higher Power directing our history, and that which befalls us does not occur at random.

This time period has been filled with tragic events such as the Spanish Inquisition in 1492, when Jews were expelled from Spain, forcibly converted or burnt at the stake. Throughout the long saga of Jewish history, the month of Av – specifically Tisha B'Av, has always been marked by tragedy, including the start of WWI, which led to WWII and the Holocaust.

But in the midst of all this suffering, there is comfort, for the word "Av" means "Father". The full name of the month is "Menachem Av" which means "Comforting Father", teaching us that just as a father punishes his son, our Father chastises us, but even in the midst of this discipline, He forever remains Our Comforting Father.

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In the Book of Deuteronomy, 8:5, it is written "And ye shall know with your heart that, as a father chastises his son, so too does your Heavenly Father chastise you." It is not sufficient for us to "know" - understand this intellectually, but we must feel it with our hearts as well, for the mind and the heart are not always in consonance. You may understand something intellectually, but reject it emotionally, and vice versa, and therefore, heart and mind must combine and see the " heavenly guiding hand that directs our lives. There is a purpose to everything, even if that purpose escapes us".

As King David in Psalm 23 declared, "Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." At the end of the day, after all the calamities and personal suffering, Hashem is "Menachem Av", our Comforting Father. His "rod" and "staff" are signs of love. And this is the message of the month of Av. "That which is unfolding before our very eyes is from the Heavens above and is preparation for the coming of Messiah". We need to look past the physical suffering and understand the spiritual message. If we bear this in our hearts and minds, we will merit the coming of Messiah.

Consider – Is there any nation that after three thousand five hundred years still practices the same religion, studies the same Torah, speaks the same language and despite having been exiled, inhabits the same land? Consider – Is there any other nation that has cried for centuries for its destroyed Temples? We, the Jewish people, not only cry for our Temple, but for Jerusalem and the entire land of Israel. No matter where fate has propelled us, we have never forgotten the Temple or Jerusalem. In every prayer, we beseech G-d to give us the privilege of seeing it rebuilt. It is written that each generation that does not merit seeing the Beit Hamikdash – the Temple being rebuilt is considered responsible for destroying it."

How can we understand this? The second Temple was destroyed because of unwarranted hatred, animosity and controversy among our people, and if we have not merited seeing the Temple rebuilt, it is only because that sin of jealousy and unwarranted hatred continues to prevail among us. "Ask yourself", the Rebbetzin challenges, "Do you harbor animosity and hatred in your heart?" "Is there controversy in your family? The Temple is waiting to be rebuilt... It's all in our hands".

How can we cry for something we never knew?

How can we cry for something we never experienced?

How can we cry for something we've never seen or felt?

The Rebbetzin's guidance is golden: "If you do not know how to cry, cry because you do not know how to cry!" Think about it, and you will quickly realize that your spiritual impoverishment is the most compelling reason for tears.

To quote the Rebbetzin, "Torah study has the power to resolve all your problems, all your conflicts. Within the pages of the Torah, you will find an answer to all your challenges. Torah is an instruction manual for life. It would be difficult to believe that G-d, who created the universe and created us, would have allowed us to come into this world without guidance. Once you discover His instruction manual, your entire vision, your entire perspective, your entire approach to life will change. Open your heart and let G-d's Book speak to you. It's your heritage."

Imagine standing in a dark room and being told to go to the other end. The light gets turned on for a few seconds and you see the path clearly. You continue walking, with the clear image sketched in your mind. However, with time, the image gets blurred, you become confused and even lost. But along the way, you can light candles which will illuminate your path. These candles are Torah teachers, who, with their wisdom of Torah, can show you the way and prevent you from falling.

The Rebbetzin is a candle that gives light to others without losing the power of her flame. She can illuminate the dark path of life through the wisdom of Torah that she has preciously attained.

If you ever have a question, look at the first time that situation arises in the Torah and you will get your answer. I read this in one of the Rebbetzin's books and I thought, "Impossible, not every situation is in the Torah – the issues that we have today are different!" Of course, the Rebbetzin was right. I had a test last year which I hope I didn't fail. It was the hardest of tests, a test of faith. During that time period, I read her book "Life Is A Test" and listened to her words. I looked in the Torah for my situation and I found it with Moses, our rabbi, our teacher.

Nowadays, we are so desperate for answers – we read web sites filled with foolishness, follow the advice of psychologists, therapists and gurus, and forget that the source of all wisdom lies in the Torah. Paradoxically, Christianity and Islam accept the Torah as true! They all agree that it was given to the Jewish people at Mt. Sinai. The Torah's truth is uncontested. The only ones who question it are some of our own Jews......Yet another reason to cry in the month of Av.

Lights Along the Way

Life is a Test. Every situation, problem and even simcha (joy) is a test. We cannot be tested if we are not prepared. So G-d gave us a treasure unlike any other, the Torah, to illuminate our path and enable us to pass our test with dignity.

The Midrash teaches that when Moses ascended Mt. Sinai to receive the Torah from G-d, the angels were fuming with jealousy. "Man is not worthy of this holy gift," they argued, to which Moses responded, "Did you experience Egypt? Did you suffer? Do you have parents? Do you eat? Of what use is the Torah to you? We humans need it precisely because we are human and imperfect. The Torah will guide us and protect us."

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Moses triumphed over the angels and Hashem gave the Torah, His most precious diamond to Moses and to all Israel for all eternity. Can you ignore this gift?