Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur

The 10 days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are a chance to do repentance and to show Hashem our potential. As it says in the prayers, "on Rosh Hashana [our fate] is written and on Yom Kippur [our fate] is sealed". This is when "in the Heavenly Court the existence of every individual in the entire world is being judged". The Rebbetzin stresses, "despite everything – Holocaust, assimilation, alienation, the Jewish people have not forgotten Him. Embedded in every Yiddishe neshama is that pintele Yid, which, if touched, in a second can become a flame". It is never too late; we all have that spark of potential.

(See Video Below:)

The Rebbetzin shares a beautiful story in her weekly column: "I guess it all started a few years ago, when a lovely young woman, Adrienne Feher, visited from Budapest and joined us for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur davening. Our Hineni organization conducts High Holiday services in the grand ballroom of the Pierre or Plaza Hotels in Manhattan and also caters beautiful Yom Tov meals there. Adrienne had experienced a crisis in faith. She lived through some traumatic family tragedies causing her to wonder whether G-d really existed. Quite by accident, her mother discovered my book “The Committed Life” which had been translated into Hungarian, and gave it to her daughter to read. The book spoke to her and prompted Adrienne to make the journey from Budapest to New York for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur.

"The tefillas – the prayers and the Torah teachings entered Adriann’s heart, and she, in turn entered my heart, and thus our friendship commenced. Time and again she would say to me, “Rebbetzin, it would be so wonderful if you could come to Budapest to speak!” But Adrienne did not allow her thoughts to remain wishful thinking. She gave a copy of my book to the dedicated Executive Director of the Hungarian Jewish Federation, Mr. Gustav Zoltai. The book penetrated his neshama, and he committed himself to bringing its message to the entire Jewish community. Daringly, he booked the prestigious Urania Theater for a pre-Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur program. It was truly a courageous plan, especially since there were only three weeks in which to make the preparations. But where there is a will, there is a way and Mr. Zoltai together with Adrienne got to work. The Hungarian Jewish community throughout the country had to be mobilized. For Adrienne, this was especially challenging, since, in the interim, she had become engaged to an exceptional Torah committed young man, Robert Deutsch, and the wedding was scheduled to take place on the day before my program.

“How will you do it?” I asked Adrienne and Robert. “It will be our greatest privilege,” they answered. “We cannot think of a more perfect way to begin our new lives.....and from the Rebbetzin’s program, we will go straight to Sheva Brochos!”

"We booked an early flight so that we might arrive in ample time for the wedding. However, like most flights nowadays, our plane to Budapest was delayed, and we were forced to wait endless hours at JFK. We e-mailed Adrienn and Robert and urged them to proceed with the wedding and not wait for our arrival, but of course, they waited, and Baruch Hashem, we arrived just in time to greet Chosen/Kallah. It was a most elegant and truly Yiddishe chaseneh, and as Adrienne had promised, the following night, chosen/kallah and the entire wedding party was at the Urania Theater. It had rained the entire day, but despite the inclement weather, the people kept coming. It was a sight to behold! By the time I arrived, the theater was filled.

"In addition to the members of the Hungarian Jewish community, rabbis and congregational leaders, the Honorable April Foley, the United States Ambassador to Hungary, was present and spoke most meaningfully. Mr. Zoltai delivered a powerful introduction, and then, it was my turn.

I began speaking in Hungarian, and explained to the audience that I was just a little girl when the Nazis deported us to the concentration camps, so I never really had an opportunity to study in Hungarian schools. Although I spoke the language, my vocabulary was limited and I asked for their kind understanding.

"I also told them that while I never studied Hungarian geography, I was nevertheless familiar with the names of all of the villages and cities, for, prior to the Holocaust, in almost every city and village, there was a cousin, a Jungreis rabbi who taught Torah and led his congregation with love and dedication. There were 87 Jungreis rabbis is Hungary prior to that unspeakable catastrophe – so yes, I was familiar with all the villages and cities.

"My father of blessed memory, HaRav HaGaon Avraham HaLevi Jungreis, Z’tl, was the Chief Orthodox Rabbi of Szeged (the second largest city in Hungary – not to be confused with Siget, a shtetl not far from the Roumanian border) – I was deeply moved by members of the Jewish community of Szeged who had traveled to the program with their rabbi and congregation president. They waited to greet me at the entrance to the theater and presented me with meaningful mementos from the city. It was truly a historic moment. Just consider, I who had been deported in a cattle car was now greeted in Budapest by the remnants of the Jews of Szeged. Just consider it, and you have to be overwhelmed by the awesomeness of it all..

"My beloved husband, HaRav Meshulem Halevi Jungreis, Z’tl, was the son of Rabbi Osher Anschil Halevi Jungreis of Gyngyos. You might wonder why I mention all this? Why is this history relevant to the program? I believe that in addition to the hard work put in by Mr Zoltai, Adrienn and others, the success of the evening can be attributed to assistance from the Heavens above. My zeides, my in-laws, my uncles and cousins who had all been rabbis in their communities gathered their congregants and petitioned the Almighty G-d to send their descendants so that they might hear words of Torah. I shared this thought with the audience and told them that I remembered our holy grandparents and great-grandparents. I remembered their goodness, their pure love and dedication to Torah and mitzvos, and I assured them that their pure holy souls were greeting them, blessing them, and rejoicing that they came.

"I spoke of my zeide, HaRav HaGaon HaTzadik Yisroel Halevi Jungreis, HykmD, the Rov of Nadudvar. With one arm he carried a Sefer Torah, and in the other, his infant grandchild – and that is how he was taken to the gas chambers. “Meen’sharim kalu.... they were swifter than eagles, stronger than lions, to do the will of their Creator”. But, I explained, there is no flame that can extinguish the light of our Torah, and if just one Jew survived from a community where the voice of Torah was once heard, he built a synagogue, a yeshiva, so that the teaching of Torah might continue and give life to a new generation. So it is that today, in every major city in which survivors dwell, be it London, New York or Jerusalem, , there are synagogues with odd sounding names that recall the shtetlech in which Torah once thrived.

"There is a mystical power to the Jewish people. In Yiddish, we call it the “Pintele Yid.” It’s an ember, a spark, and if ignited, in an instant it becomes a flame, and the Jew remembers his covenant with G-d. “V’zot briti....And this is My covenant with them, sayeth the L-rd: And these words that I have placed upon your lips, shall not depart from your lips, nor from the lips of your children or your children’s children, thus sayeth the L-rd, forevermore.”

"It was a night that the Hungarian Jewish community will long remember. Eyes became moist with tears – the “Pintele Yid” burst forth with all its majestic power. “Mee k’amcha Yisroel, goy echod b’aretz.....Who is like Thy Jewish people oh G-d, a unique nation on this planet earth, a nation that despite unbearable suffering, despite the forces of assimilation, has never forgotten You!” Have mercy on Your children Oh G-d and inscribe all Your people in the Book of Forgiveness and the Book of Life!"

The Magic Formula for The Book of Life

Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are so near yet we are so far away. How do we prepare ourselves? The Rebbetzin's advice is timeless, "'Hafoch boh, hafoch boh, d’kula boh - Turn the pages, turn the pages, for everything is to be found within it.” To every challenge there is a teaching from our Torah that is applicable. The well-known three-fold formula is guaranteed to yield positive results: tshuva, tefilla, and tzedukah – repentance, prayer, and charity."

(Watch Video Below:)

The Rebbetzin continues, "It never ceases to amaze me however, how many people resist this advice, although they give lip service to it every Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. It is amazing how few of us are sensitive to the language of prayer, and how resistant we can be to suggestions that we elevate our service to Hashem. Whatever our religious commitment may be, we are content with the status quo and shun suggestions for growth. It goes without saying that we would never apply this logic to our financial and material positions. In those areas, we are always eager to expand and grow.

"Recently, a young lady came to see me with an overwhelmingly devastating problem. When, among other things, I recommended that she turn to Hashem and follow the formula of tshuva, tefilla, and tzedukah, she smiled indulgently and said, “Rebbetzin, I need real help, real solutions.”

"For a moment, I was astonished. She was an observant woman – how could she have made such a statement? “Can there be any more real solution than the help of G-d?” I challenged. To what extend do we really believe that Hashem can intercede and resolve our problems? How deep is our faith?

"It is Chodesh Elul and our world is in crisis. We are beset by so many difficulties, trials and tribulations, be they personal or national. Our problems are huge, but we are short on faith. It is written in the Talmud: “Ayn yisurin boh l’olom elah bishvil Yisroel – Suffering is not visited upon the world but to awaken our Jewish people...” Just consider that which is unfolding right here in our own backyard. Nature itself is crying out for our attention. Hurricanes and floods are sweeping our country, creating havoc and forcing multitudes to flee their homes. Additionally, the political situation in our own United States as well as throughout the world is frighteningly uncertain, and looming over it all is the terrifying specter of the danger to Eretz Yisroel.

"The month of Elul is upon us. Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are just around the corner. Our lives, our future, our very world is hanging in the balance. We cannot allow this Elul to be “same old, same old”. This Elul we must become different.

"The parsha that ushers in Chodesh Elul is Re’eh. This Torah portion is all about “choices”. Moshe Rabbenu, our loving rabbi, charges us with the responsibility of “choosing” blessing over curse. The first condition to this blessing is to develop our ability to listen (asher tishm’oon), We have a responsibility to sensitize our hearts and minds so that we might hear the call of G-d in our daily lives.

"How do we react when our Heavenly Father lovingly rebukes us? It is Chodesh Elul – Let us have a moment of truth and answer. When difficult days befall us, do we feel self-righteous indignation and anger? Do we feel that we have been treated unjustly, or do we return to our Heavenly Father, to our G-d in humility, prayer and love?

"I have often told my listeners that overwhelming problems can be analogous to boiling water. When you place a carrot into boiling water, it becomes mush and disintegrates. When you do the same with an egg, it becomes hard and tough. On the other hand, when you place coffee or tea into boiling water, it is transformed into a delicious drink. This then, is the option that we all have: we can collapse and disintegrate like the carrot; we can become hard and tough like the egg, or we can take our boiling water and convert it into something positive – a delicious drink.

"That is the option that stands before all of us. When confronted by overwhelming problems, when the water is really boiling, we can fall apart like the carrot and become depressed – but that will not benefit anyone....worse, it will consume and destroy us.

"We can become tough like hard boiled eggs – cynical, bitter, and angry like those petulant children. Once again, a self-destructive response that will only alienate us from others and from our true selves.

"Finally, we can become like coffee or tea and convert our boiling hot water into s delicious drink that can be nourishing for us as well as for others. We can look upon our problems as challenges, as opportunities for growth and convert our negatives into positives, our liabilities into assets and our short comings into strengths.

"Yes, if we know how to listen, we can realize our full potential as Jews and return to our Heavenly Father and to our Torah way of life. Our history demonstrates that there is no difficulty, no obstacle that we cannot overcome when we become one with our G-d. We need only allow the light of G-d to lead us. “G-d is my light and my salvation...Whom shall I fear?” is the psalm that we recite twice daily during this season But do we really believe it? Do we really believe that G-d is our light and our salvation? This year, let us demonstrate our faith and not just mouth empty words, but let us allow the light of G-d to truly lead us. We simply cannot afford to continue with “same old, same old.”

Elul- Achieving Closeness

"Ani Ledodi Vedodi Li"; "I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me". The transition from a month of suffering into a month of closeness and love between G-d and the Jewish People sets the stage for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Hashem lets us know that after suffering there is an opportunity to get close- each personal and communal challenge is an opportunity to strengthen our relationship with the Almighty.

(See Video Below:)

(This is an excerpt from the Rebbetzin's Column in the Jewish Week about the month of Elul:)

"It is Chodesh Elul, and we have to prepare ourselves for our day in court with the King of kings, Judge of judges and Father of fathers, so I would like to give a report to Him on His children.

So, as our day in court quickly approaches, I would like to give a report to the King of kings, the Judge of judges, the Father of fathers, on the state of His children. Baruch HaShem, they are loyal...they are here.... they have not forgotten their Father, their King. But I would also like to add my own personal prayer: Almighty G-d, You launched Your children, into a long, dark exile in which we encountered every form of affliction and enticement. Time and again, it appeared that we would be devoured, that we would disappear, but despite it all, We, Your children, have never completely forgotten You. Even in the midst of darkness, pain and suffering, when we hear a reminder of Your voice - a message from Your Torah, a transformation takes place in our hearts and our pintele Yid becomes a flame. So, as Rosh Hashana quickly approaches, open the Heavenly Gates to us, your children - lead us into Your chambers with love. “Horeini HaShem Darkeicha” - “Teach us Your ways, Oh G-d” (Psalm 27), and send us Moshiach Tzidkeinu - the final redemption.

May HaShem grant us all a gut gebensht yahr - a blessed year, a year of health and well-being, a year of Torah, a year of mitzvos, a year of ahavas Yisrael - love between Jew and Jew, a year of peace, prosperity and joy....A year in which we will behold the final redemption of our people"

Selichot; Forgiveness and Renewal

This past Saturday night we began saying Selichot. This is a time period of introspection and renewal. We use this time to ask others for forgiveness. We are able to forgive- but how many of us can forget? G-d not only forgives but forgets our sins and turns them into mitzvoth!

(See video below:)

The following is an excerpt by the Rebbetzin: "There is a story about a man who was confronted by the a dilemma of how to do Teshuva. He decided to consult a Rebbe for guidance. After relating his story, he asked, “Rebbe, knowing my background, how far is the road of repentance for me?”

The Rebbe gazed at him with piercing eyes and said, “As far as east is from west.”

The man turned ashen. “So far?” he exclaimed in a doleful voice.

“No,” the Rebbe answered. “So near. East from west is just one turn in the right direction.”

"The Rebbe’s illustration speaks, not only to you, but to all of us in every generation. Yes, just one turn in the right direction can put us back on track.... and that is the magic of tshuva. To be sure, the yetzer hara does not want to allow us to make that turn. It will cunningly whisper, “Who are you kidding? You can never overcome your past...you are too far gone.....the Torah community will never accept or forgive you. No decent woman would ever agree to marry you. You’re no good! You might as well stay where you are and protect yourself from further pain and rejection.... etc., etc.

"Such negative thoughts however, emanate from a dark place – they are reflective of your yetzer Hara, and not of you. You are your neshama and your neshama is pure and holy and comes from G-d Himself, and therefore, it can never be spoiled.. Every morning as we commence our day, we proclaim that eternal truth in our morning prayers, “Elokai, Ha’neshama sh’nasata be .... My G-d, the soul that You gave me is pure. You created it; You breathed it into me...” It is this pure soul that defines you and not the craziness that side-tracked you. So, of course you can come back – of course you can make that turn. Hashem promises us that even if our sins be red as scarlet, He will make them white as snow.”

"Resh Lakish, at one time, was the leader of a group of bandits, but when he made that “turn in the right direction” and embarked upon the path of Torah, not only was he accepted, but he became an eminent sage, the learning partner of the great Rabbi Yochanan.

As for finding a wife — he married the most sought-after woman in Jerusalem, the beautiful sister of Rabbi Yochanan – a true aishes chayil.

But, you still might ask, “What about his sordid past? How was he able to overcome that?”

When you do tshuva, not only is your past cancelled, but Hashem, in His infinite mercy, takes your sins and converts them into merit. Still, the yetzer hara may try to seduce you by saying that this is a story from our distant past and is not applicable to you, today".

We each have the power to forgive others and most importantly ourselves. We all make mistakes. This is a time period for renewal. By using the power of Teshuva, we have the ability to turn mistakes into learning experiences and sins into mitzvots! This is G-d's gift.

Being Jewish

What is special about being part of a nation that has throughout history endured the atrocities by the Egyptians, Babylonians, Spanish, and Germans? Disaster after disaster; each generation experiencing persecution, hate, antisemitism, and suffering. Why is it special to be a Jew? Why continue on the destiny that has been passed on from generation to generation?

(See Video Below:)

The following in an excerpt from a moving article by Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis that sheds light unto the concept of being Jewish:

"I was born in Hungary. I am a survivor of the holocaust, and the following story occurred during that time when the world was enveloped in darkness and man lost his sanity…
When the Germans occupied our city, one of the first things that they did was to seize prominent community leaders for interrogation at Gestapo headquarters. My own dear father, who was the Rabbi of the community, was among those arrested. The Nazi`s tortured him, and ripped his beautiful long beard from his cheeks ….. Broken and mutilated, he was returned to us, his family, and congregation. Shortly afterward, we were all herded into ghettos and readied for transport to the concentration camps.

One night, a member of our congregation knocked at our door. He had come at the risk of his life. In those days, for a Jews to be caught on the street after curfew, meant certain death. The man was obviously overwrought. There was an almost demented look in his eyes. "Please Rabbi", he cried out in a trembling voice. "You must help me …. My son, my little boy… I want him to live"!

My father looked at the man, and I detected a terrible sadness in his eyes. "Where it up to me my friend", he sighed, his voice barely audible… "Were it only up to me, then every man, every woman and every child would live. Hashem yeracheim - May the Almighty have mercy on all of us". He concluded in a whisper.
"No, no, it is not just wistful thinking", the man protested with urgency. "I have a definite plan … I made contact with the local Priest… He promised to take in my child… that is, if I allow him to be baptized… to be raised as a Christian".

As the man blurted out these words, he lost control completely and started to shake, his whole body racked by sobs. "I cannot make this decision", he cried…"I look at my boy and I cannot bear the thought of handing him over to the Priest… and yet, what other alternative is there? Rabbi, Rabbi". He sobbed. "What do I do? What do I do"?

I was a little girl at that time, but this scene has remained etched in my memory. I shall never forget it. It haunts me… It follows me everywhere and leaves me no peace. I remember how my father rose from his chair, how he slowly and painfully made his way to the man, and how he embraced him. I remember the tears rolling down my father`s cheeks, and I remember that as he wept the still-fresh wounds re-opened, and for a terrible moment it seemed to me as if my father was shedding tears of blood. My father put his arms around this tormented Jew and for a time, they just stood there, the two of them sobbing in a torturous embrace.

And then my father began to speak, his voice laden with the millennia of suffering of G-d`s people. Each word spoke volumes, each word was an echo of holy martyrdom…."You want your son to live" my father now said softly. "Believe me, I too want him to live. But tell me, my precious Jewish brother… tell me WHAT IS LIFE? How do you measure life?"
The man stood there, non-plussed, staring uncomprehendingly into space.
"Think for a moment" my father continued gently. "Before you answer, think for a moment…. If your son survives and he is not a Jew, will he live? Is that the life you want for him"?

An awesome silence hung in the air, a silence which lasted only a few moments, but which to me seemed an eternity. And then my father raised his arms toward heaven and softly repeated the question. His words were barely audible, but they seemed to pierce the walls: "IF YOUR SON IS NOT A JEW, WILL HE LIVE? WILL YOU BE SATISFIED"?

The man turned ashen. His eyes conveyed the painful suffering of G-d`s holy flock. "Yes, yes" he gasped…"I know, I knew all the time. We are a people who must be ready to die, yes, even to die, so that we may live. Yes, he continued. You need not say any more Rabbi. Forgive me for having troubled you".

My father walked him to the door, and in a few seconds he was swallowed up by the darkness of the night.

Yes, I live with this story. It haunts me… the man and his son are forever before me. And when I meet a young man or woman like yourself who nonchalantly declares "Judaism doesn`t mean a thing to me…. I`m in love and that`s all that matters", then I want to yell… I want to scream "Who do you think you are? By what right do you betray your people? By what right do you abandon your G-d? By what right do you trample on the graves of that man and his son? Don`t you understand that you are a link with a glorious past, that you are part of a prophetic history? Did you survive 4,000 years of torture and oppression only to disappear in the midst of freedom? ARE YOU TO BE THE LAST JEW IN YOUR FAMILY AFTER 4,000 YEARS"?

Those who died in the gas chambers disappeared in smoke. But at least they left behind a legacy, a kaddish. And those who go the route of intermarriage also die - but with one difference. They leave no trace. Their souls are forever extinguished in this world, as well as in the world to come. They leave no memory, not even a kaddish. They simply disappear…

When G-d called upon your father Abraham to sacrifice for His sake, he answered "HINENI - I AM HERE, I AM READY".

Today the call has come to you. Today it is your turn to say "HINENI". And you can do no less. G-d is calling you to fulfill your mission. What a glorious destiny, but what a catastrophe to be unaware of it."

Making a Marriage Work!

The month of Elul is an acronym for "Ani Ledodi Vedodi Li", "I am to my Beloved and my Beloved is to me". Every relationship in this world was created to further develop our relationship with G-d. The ultimate relationship in our lives is marriage.

(See Video Below:)

Husband are wife and "loving friends". The word "friend" in hebrew comes from the word "shepperd". A shepperd does not cares for, guards, and protects his sheep. He does not ask for a "thank you" from them. The word "love" in hebrew means "to give". If you want to love, you have to give.

If you watch a nursing mother, you will see that the more she nurses, the more milk she gets. If she stops nursing, the milk dries up. In a relationship, if you stop giving, the love "dries up". Start giving to get more love!

An unfortunate concurrent issue in our society is intermarriage. The Rebbetzin says regarding intermarriages, "If you do not come from similar backgrounds, similar homes, and you do not share a common heritage, then no matter how hard you try, your mate will never "fit" you properly. You may love him even as you love those shoes, but they are not your size - he is not made for you. You come from different worlds, from different roots. And should you marry, three things can occur: You may develop calluses (live amidst strife), leave the shoes in the closet (settle for a marriage based on icy indifference), or you may give the shoes to rummage (terminate the marriage in divorce). In any event, none of these options is desirable.

"The fact is that much more than romantic love is needed for a successful marriage. Love is not a magic potion which can dissolve knotty problems. Love can only serve to enhance a marriage in which mutual esteem and reverence already exists, a marriage which is bound by common roots and goals".

In the month that we are working on our relationship with G-d, we should be looking to improve our relationships with others. If we bring G-d into our marriages, it will work!!

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match!

It is interesting that in a month of "suffering" there is national matchmaking day, 15th of Av. Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis has been making shidduchim since the age of 16; her experience and guidance is priceless.

(See Video Below:)

The Rebbetzin "always tell young singles that, while chemistry and physical attraction cannot be discounted, nevertheless, our society, places much too much emphasis on them. Our materialistic culture insidiously influences our attitudes, and often physical appearance becomes the single most important factor when it comes to marriage. Singles tend to look for electricity rather than substance, and they fail to remember that, even in New York City, there was a power failure! And when those lights go out, and there is pitch darkness, you need a great inner light to keep you going, hence the many failed marriages.

"More important than gazing into someone’s eyes is the ability to gaze in the same direction and to live with common aims and goals, and to have a spiritual connection. It was this spiritual bonding that made the marriages of our patriarchs and matriarchs so special. It is written that “Isaac took Rebecca into his mother’s tent (taught her Sarah’s Torah and made that spiritual connection), only then, did he marry her. It was only after marriage that the Torah states that he loved her, teaching us that if a marriage is to be built on a solid foundation, if love is to grow and thrive, husband and wife must be bound spiritually.

One of the factors preventing marriages from taking place is that many singles have unrealistic expectations and get hung up on the physical and the material.

As always, we look into the Torah and as mentioned above, "The Torah's first encounter with a match was Isaac and Rivkah. Abraham "knew that the shidduch would be a life-altering decision that would impact, not only on his son, but on all future generations as well. Abraham’s example imparts a lesson to all of us for all time: Finding an appropriate shidduch for our children must be the greatest priority of every parent. Eliezer appreciated the awesomeness of this mission and prayed for Divine guidance, for he understood that even a man like his master, who was holy and righteous, needed G-d’s help and intervention. In addition to prayer, Eliezer devised a litmus test which would indicate to him whether he was on the right path. The purpose of that litmus test could be summed up in one word - chesed - loving kindness. The girl who was endowed with loving-kindness would be the appropriate wife for Isaac.

"The litmus test of Abraham’s servant has all but been abandoned. Today, it’s not chesed - loving kindness, midos tovos - good character traits, that are the most important factor when it comes to making a shidduch. Today, more important than what is in a girl’s heart is what is in her parent’s pockets, and more important than the measure of her goodness, is the measure of her appearance, and so we have lost sight of the most important criteria in seeking a shidduch." What can we learn from this? How do we internalize these teachings?

The Rebbetzin stresses the importance for singles to do their share: "Too often they receive recommendations and never follow through. They put forth all sorts of lame excuses. ”We’ve been playing telephone tag” “I’ve been so busy”, etc., etc. If they are truly interested in making a shidduch (and every single should be), then these excuses hold no water. Furthermore, when going on dates, they should refrain from making superficial snap judgments. First impressions can be misleading. Not everyone is able to present him or herself in a positive light..so always try to give a second chance.

"Adopt the litmus test of Eliezer and make good character traits the most important priority when searching for a mate. When chesed is a priority, then everything else will fall into place, but when chesed is missing, all else will fail, for even the most beautiful or handsome face can turn sour and repugnant when callousness replaces sensitivity and meanness replaces kindness.

"Singles must be realistic about themselves and not expect perfection in those areas in which they themselves are imperfect (It never ceases to amaze how people just don’t see themselves). Above all, singles should follow the lead of Eliezer, who prayed that G-d send the right shidduch. Our sages teach that mincha - the afternoon service, is especially propitious for shidduchim, for our Patriarch Isaac was davening mincha when Rebecca appeared."

There are two midrashim that bring all of this together. The first midrash relates that weeks before you are born, a Heavenly Voice proclaims who you will marry. The second midrash says that a Roman matron once asked Rabbi Yosi ben Chalafta, “Now that G-d has finished creating the universe, what does He do?” The Rabbi replied that G-d now makes matches, bringing couples together so that they can marry each other. Hashem is involved in every aspect, from the beginning of the match till its conception. Let's follow the Rebbetzin's advice, whether it is going good or bad, easy or hard, say "Baruch Hashem"...

This is all easier said than done, we can try to have hope, patience and Emunah, but it is easy to get carried away with the pressures of society. In times of hardship do Chessed! Why? Because "You will quickly discover that, when you forget your own problems and reach out to others, then the world reaches out to you. Long ago, King David proclaimed, “HaShem Tzilcha...” - “G-d is your shadow, whatever you do, your shadow reflects.” If you would like to download blessings from HaShem, the best way is to impart blessing to others"

It is hard when everyone around you is getting married. "So when you receive an invitation to a wedding, accept it with joy and gratitude. Even if you don’t feel that way, pretend, and that which started out insincerely, will eventually become sincere. At weddings force yourself to dance with the Kallah with gusto, even if your heart isn’t in it. It’s easy to dance when one feels exuberant, but to dance for the sake of a mitzvah, even when one is depressed, is the test of a great person. If you can develop such discipline, it will surely be noted in the Heavens above, and who knows what blessings you will accrue as a result.."

May the Rebbetzin's words be heard in Shamayim, may everyone find their besheret, soulmate, at the right time and may we all be zochet to see the coming of Mashiach, beyameinu, Amen.