Elul- Achieving Closeness

"Ani Ledodi Vedodi Li"; "I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me". The transition from a month of suffering into a month of closeness and love between G-d and the Jewish People sets the stage for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Hashem lets us know that after suffering there is an opportunity to get close- each personal and communal challenge is an opportunity to strengthen our relationship with the Almighty.

(See Video Below:)

(This is an excerpt from the Rebbetzin's Column in the Jewish Week about the month of Elul:)

"It is Chodesh Elul, and we have to prepare ourselves for our day in court with the King of kings, Judge of judges and Father of fathers, so I would like to give a report to Him on His children.

So, as our day in court quickly approaches, I would like to give a report to the King of kings, the Judge of judges, the Father of fathers, on the state of His children. Baruch HaShem, they are loyal...they are here.... they have not forgotten their Father, their King. But I would also like to add my own personal prayer: Almighty G-d, You launched Your children, into a long, dark exile in which we encountered every form of affliction and enticement. Time and again, it appeared that we would be devoured, that we would disappear, but despite it all, We, Your children, have never completely forgotten You. Even in the midst of darkness, pain and suffering, when we hear a reminder of Your voice - a message from Your Torah, a transformation takes place in our hearts and our pintele Yid becomes a flame. So, as Rosh Hashana quickly approaches, open the Heavenly Gates to us, your children - lead us into Your chambers with love. “Horeini HaShem Darkeicha” - “Teach us Your ways, Oh G-d” (Psalm 27), and send us Moshiach Tzidkeinu - the final redemption.

May HaShem grant us all a gut gebensht yahr - a blessed year, a year of health and well-being, a year of Torah, a year of mitzvos, a year of ahavas Yisrael - love between Jew and Jew, a year of peace, prosperity and joy....A year in which we will behold the final redemption of our people"

Selichot; Forgiveness and Renewal

This past Saturday night we began saying Selichot. This is a time period of introspection and renewal. We use this time to ask others for forgiveness. We are able to forgive- but how many of us can forget? G-d not only forgives but forgets our sins and turns them into mitzvoth!

(See video below:)

The following is an excerpt by the Rebbetzin: "There is a story about a man who was confronted by the a dilemma of how to do Teshuva. He decided to consult a Rebbe for guidance. After relating his story, he asked, “Rebbe, knowing my background, how far is the road of repentance for me?”

The Rebbe gazed at him with piercing eyes and said, “As far as east is from west.”

The man turned ashen. “So far?” he exclaimed in a doleful voice.

“No,” the Rebbe answered. “So near. East from west is just one turn in the right direction.”

"The Rebbe’s illustration speaks, not only to you, but to all of us in every generation. Yes, just one turn in the right direction can put us back on track.... and that is the magic of tshuva. To be sure, the yetzer hara does not want to allow us to make that turn. It will cunningly whisper, “Who are you kidding? You can never overcome your past...you are too far gone.....the Torah community will never accept or forgive you. No decent woman would ever agree to marry you. You’re no good! You might as well stay where you are and protect yourself from further pain and rejection.... etc., etc.

"Such negative thoughts however, emanate from a dark place – they are reflective of your yetzer Hara, and not of you. You are your neshama and your neshama is pure and holy and comes from G-d Himself, and therefore, it can never be spoiled.. Every morning as we commence our day, we proclaim that eternal truth in our morning prayers, “Elokai, Ha’neshama sh’nasata be .... My G-d, the soul that You gave me is pure. You created it; You breathed it into me...” It is this pure soul that defines you and not the craziness that side-tracked you. So, of course you can come back – of course you can make that turn. Hashem promises us that even if our sins be red as scarlet, He will make them white as snow.”

"Resh Lakish, at one time, was the leader of a group of bandits, but when he made that “turn in the right direction” and embarked upon the path of Torah, not only was he accepted, but he became an eminent sage, the learning partner of the great Rabbi Yochanan.

As for finding a wife — he married the most sought-after woman in Jerusalem, the beautiful sister of Rabbi Yochanan – a true aishes chayil.

But, you still might ask, “What about his sordid past? How was he able to overcome that?”

When you do tshuva, not only is your past cancelled, but Hashem, in His infinite mercy, takes your sins and converts them into merit. Still, the yetzer hara may try to seduce you by saying that this is a story from our distant past and is not applicable to you, today".

We each have the power to forgive others and most importantly ourselves. We all make mistakes. This is a time period for renewal. By using the power of Teshuva, we have the ability to turn mistakes into learning experiences and sins into mitzvots! This is G-d's gift.

Being Jewish

What is special about being part of a nation that has throughout history endured the atrocities by the Egyptians, Babylonians, Spanish, and Germans? Disaster after disaster; each generation experiencing persecution, hate, antisemitism, and suffering. Why is it special to be a Jew? Why continue on the destiny that has been passed on from generation to generation?

(See Video Below:)

The following in an excerpt from a moving article by Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis that sheds light unto the concept of being Jewish:

"I was born in Hungary. I am a survivor of the holocaust, and the following story occurred during that time when the world was enveloped in darkness and man lost his sanity…
When the Germans occupied our city, one of the first things that they did was to seize prominent community leaders for interrogation at Gestapo headquarters. My own dear father, who was the Rabbi of the community, was among those arrested. The Nazi`s tortured him, and ripped his beautiful long beard from his cheeks ….. Broken and mutilated, he was returned to us, his family, and congregation. Shortly afterward, we were all herded into ghettos and readied for transport to the concentration camps.

One night, a member of our congregation knocked at our door. He had come at the risk of his life. In those days, for a Jews to be caught on the street after curfew, meant certain death. The man was obviously overwrought. There was an almost demented look in his eyes. "Please Rabbi", he cried out in a trembling voice. "You must help me …. My son, my little boy… I want him to live"!

My father looked at the man, and I detected a terrible sadness in his eyes. "Where it up to me my friend", he sighed, his voice barely audible… "Were it only up to me, then every man, every woman and every child would live. Hashem yeracheim - May the Almighty have mercy on all of us". He concluded in a whisper.
"No, no, it is not just wistful thinking", the man protested with urgency. "I have a definite plan … I made contact with the local Priest… He promised to take in my child… that is, if I allow him to be baptized… to be raised as a Christian".

As the man blurted out these words, he lost control completely and started to shake, his whole body racked by sobs. "I cannot make this decision", he cried…"I look at my boy and I cannot bear the thought of handing him over to the Priest… and yet, what other alternative is there? Rabbi, Rabbi". He sobbed. "What do I do? What do I do"?

I was a little girl at that time, but this scene has remained etched in my memory. I shall never forget it. It haunts me… It follows me everywhere and leaves me no peace. I remember how my father rose from his chair, how he slowly and painfully made his way to the man, and how he embraced him. I remember the tears rolling down my father`s cheeks, and I remember that as he wept the still-fresh wounds re-opened, and for a terrible moment it seemed to me as if my father was shedding tears of blood. My father put his arms around this tormented Jew and for a time, they just stood there, the two of them sobbing in a torturous embrace.

And then my father began to speak, his voice laden with the millennia of suffering of G-d`s people. Each word spoke volumes, each word was an echo of holy martyrdom…."You want your son to live" my father now said softly. "Believe me, I too want him to live. But tell me, my precious Jewish brother… tell me WHAT IS LIFE? How do you measure life?"
The man stood there, non-plussed, staring uncomprehendingly into space.
"Think for a moment" my father continued gently. "Before you answer, think for a moment…. If your son survives and he is not a Jew, will he live? Is that the life you want for him"?

An awesome silence hung in the air, a silence which lasted only a few moments, but which to me seemed an eternity. And then my father raised his arms toward heaven and softly repeated the question. His words were barely audible, but they seemed to pierce the walls: "IF YOUR SON IS NOT A JEW, WILL HE LIVE? WILL YOU BE SATISFIED"?

The man turned ashen. His eyes conveyed the painful suffering of G-d`s holy flock. "Yes, yes" he gasped…"I know, I knew all the time. We are a people who must be ready to die, yes, even to die, so that we may live. Yes, he continued. You need not say any more Rabbi. Forgive me for having troubled you".

My father walked him to the door, and in a few seconds he was swallowed up by the darkness of the night.

Yes, I live with this story. It haunts me… the man and his son are forever before me. And when I meet a young man or woman like yourself who nonchalantly declares "Judaism doesn`t mean a thing to me…. I`m in love and that`s all that matters", then I want to yell… I want to scream "Who do you think you are? By what right do you betray your people? By what right do you abandon your G-d? By what right do you trample on the graves of that man and his son? Don`t you understand that you are a link with a glorious past, that you are part of a prophetic history? Did you survive 4,000 years of torture and oppression only to disappear in the midst of freedom? ARE YOU TO BE THE LAST JEW IN YOUR FAMILY AFTER 4,000 YEARS"?

Those who died in the gas chambers disappeared in smoke. But at least they left behind a legacy, a kaddish. And those who go the route of intermarriage also die - but with one difference. They leave no trace. Their souls are forever extinguished in this world, as well as in the world to come. They leave no memory, not even a kaddish. They simply disappear…

When G-d called upon your father Abraham to sacrifice for His sake, he answered "HINENI - I AM HERE, I AM READY".

Today the call has come to you. Today it is your turn to say "HINENI". And you can do no less. G-d is calling you to fulfill your mission. What a glorious destiny, but what a catastrophe to be unaware of it."

Making a Marriage Work!

The month of Elul is an acronym for "Ani Ledodi Vedodi Li", "I am to my Beloved and my Beloved is to me". Every relationship in this world was created to further develop our relationship with G-d. The ultimate relationship in our lives is marriage.

(See Video Below:)

Husband are wife and "loving friends". The word "friend" in hebrew comes from the word "shepperd". A shepperd does not cares for, guards, and protects his sheep. He does not ask for a "thank you" from them. The word "love" in hebrew means "to give". If you want to love, you have to give.

If you watch a nursing mother, you will see that the more she nurses, the more milk she gets. If she stops nursing, the milk dries up. In a relationship, if you stop giving, the love "dries up". Start giving to get more love!

An unfortunate concurrent issue in our society is intermarriage. The Rebbetzin says regarding intermarriages, "If you do not come from similar backgrounds, similar homes, and you do not share a common heritage, then no matter how hard you try, your mate will never "fit" you properly. You may love him even as you love those shoes, but they are not your size - he is not made for you. You come from different worlds, from different roots. And should you marry, three things can occur: You may develop calluses (live amidst strife), leave the shoes in the closet (settle for a marriage based on icy indifference), or you may give the shoes to rummage (terminate the marriage in divorce). In any event, none of these options is desirable.

"The fact is that much more than romantic love is needed for a successful marriage. Love is not a magic potion which can dissolve knotty problems. Love can only serve to enhance a marriage in which mutual esteem and reverence already exists, a marriage which is bound by common roots and goals".

In the month that we are working on our relationship with G-d, we should be looking to improve our relationships with others. If we bring G-d into our marriages, it will work!!

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match!

It is interesting that in a month of "suffering" there is national matchmaking day, 15th of Av. Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis has been making shidduchim since the age of 16; her experience and guidance is priceless.

(See Video Below:)

The Rebbetzin "always tell young singles that, while chemistry and physical attraction cannot be discounted, nevertheless, our society, places much too much emphasis on them. Our materialistic culture insidiously influences our attitudes, and often physical appearance becomes the single most important factor when it comes to marriage. Singles tend to look for electricity rather than substance, and they fail to remember that, even in New York City, there was a power failure! And when those lights go out, and there is pitch darkness, you need a great inner light to keep you going, hence the many failed marriages.

"More important than gazing into someone’s eyes is the ability to gaze in the same direction and to live with common aims and goals, and to have a spiritual connection. It was this spiritual bonding that made the marriages of our patriarchs and matriarchs so special. It is written that “Isaac took Rebecca into his mother’s tent (taught her Sarah’s Torah and made that spiritual connection), only then, did he marry her. It was only after marriage that the Torah states that he loved her, teaching us that if a marriage is to be built on a solid foundation, if love is to grow and thrive, husband and wife must be bound spiritually.

One of the factors preventing marriages from taking place is that many singles have unrealistic expectations and get hung up on the physical and the material.

As always, we look into the Torah and as mentioned above, "The Torah's first encounter with a match was Isaac and Rivkah. Abraham "knew that the shidduch would be a life-altering decision that would impact, not only on his son, but on all future generations as well. Abraham’s example imparts a lesson to all of us for all time: Finding an appropriate shidduch for our children must be the greatest priority of every parent. Eliezer appreciated the awesomeness of this mission and prayed for Divine guidance, for he understood that even a man like his master, who was holy and righteous, needed G-d’s help and intervention. In addition to prayer, Eliezer devised a litmus test which would indicate to him whether he was on the right path. The purpose of that litmus test could be summed up in one word - chesed - loving kindness. The girl who was endowed with loving-kindness would be the appropriate wife for Isaac.

"The litmus test of Abraham’s servant has all but been abandoned. Today, it’s not chesed - loving kindness, midos tovos - good character traits, that are the most important factor when it comes to making a shidduch. Today, more important than what is in a girl’s heart is what is in her parent’s pockets, and more important than the measure of her goodness, is the measure of her appearance, and so we have lost sight of the most important criteria in seeking a shidduch." What can we learn from this? How do we internalize these teachings?

The Rebbetzin stresses the importance for singles to do their share: "Too often they receive recommendations and never follow through. They put forth all sorts of lame excuses. ”We’ve been playing telephone tag” “I’ve been so busy”, etc., etc. If they are truly interested in making a shidduch (and every single should be), then these excuses hold no water. Furthermore, when going on dates, they should refrain from making superficial snap judgments. First impressions can be misleading. Not everyone is able to present him or herself in a positive light..so always try to give a second chance.

"Adopt the litmus test of Eliezer and make good character traits the most important priority when searching for a mate. When chesed is a priority, then everything else will fall into place, but when chesed is missing, all else will fail, for even the most beautiful or handsome face can turn sour and repugnant when callousness replaces sensitivity and meanness replaces kindness.

"Singles must be realistic about themselves and not expect perfection in those areas in which they themselves are imperfect (It never ceases to amaze how people just don’t see themselves). Above all, singles should follow the lead of Eliezer, who prayed that G-d send the right shidduch. Our sages teach that mincha - the afternoon service, is especially propitious for shidduchim, for our Patriarch Isaac was davening mincha when Rebecca appeared."

There are two midrashim that bring all of this together. The first midrash relates that weeks before you are born, a Heavenly Voice proclaims who you will marry. The second midrash says that a Roman matron once asked Rabbi Yosi ben Chalafta, “Now that G-d has finished creating the universe, what does He do?” The Rabbi replied that G-d now makes matches, bringing couples together so that they can marry each other. Hashem is involved in every aspect, from the beginning of the match till its conception. Let's follow the Rebbetzin's advice, whether it is going good or bad, easy or hard, say "Baruch Hashem"...

This is all easier said than done, we can try to have hope, patience and Emunah, but it is easy to get carried away with the pressures of society. In times of hardship do Chessed! Why? Because "You will quickly discover that, when you forget your own problems and reach out to others, then the world reaches out to you. Long ago, King David proclaimed, “HaShem Tzilcha...” - “G-d is your shadow, whatever you do, your shadow reflects.” If you would like to download blessings from HaShem, the best way is to impart blessing to others"

It is hard when everyone around you is getting married. "So when you receive an invitation to a wedding, accept it with joy and gratitude. Even if you don’t feel that way, pretend, and that which started out insincerely, will eventually become sincere. At weddings force yourself to dance with the Kallah with gusto, even if your heart isn’t in it. It’s easy to dance when one feels exuberant, but to dance for the sake of a mitzvah, even when one is depressed, is the test of a great person. If you can develop such discipline, it will surely be noted in the Heavens above, and who knows what blessings you will accrue as a result.."

May the Rebbetzin's words be heard in Shamayim, may everyone find their besheret, soulmate, at the right time and may we all be zochet to see the coming of Mashiach, beyameinu, Amen.

Turning Suffering into a Growing Experience

Rebbetzin Jungreis is a survivor of the Holocaust, the most recent episode of suffering for the Jewish People. It would have made "sense" to loose faith in G-d and Judaism, like many did. Instead, the Rebbetzin speaks of G-d, His Greatness and surprisingly, His Kindness. She is a living lesson of turning a time period of suffering into a growing experience. She took all the years at Auschwitz, the screams, the fire, and the pain, and used it to become the incredible Rebbetzin.

(See Video Below:)

We all have suffering, personal and communal. Pain is inevitable, however, suffering is a choice. We cannot control the challenges that Hashem sends in our lives; we can control how we respond. This idea is best conveyed in an excerpt from an article by the Rebbetzin in the Jewish Journal:

"Undoubtedly, we are living in the midst of terrible crises - global terror and personal tragedy have visited many of us. How do we understand it all? How do we respond to such calamities? Our Torah, as well as the Holy Tongue in which it was written, provide us with insights.In Hebrew, the word for crisis is mashbair," which in Torah language also means "birthing stone." This teaches us that crises can also be an opportunity for birth, for new life.

"This concept is especially pertinent to our generation, for we are the generation that is living in the period of Chevlei Moshiach(birthpangs of Messiah), and birthpangs can be very painful, especially when the contractions come hard and fast. However, every mother who undergoes that experience is able to accept her pain because she knows that she will soon hold new life in her arms and that makes it all worthwhile.

"Indeed, on Tisha B'Av, the most tragic day in the Jewish calendar year, when we mourn the destruction of Jerusalem and our holy Temple, it is exactly this concept that we express in our Kinnos (Lamentations): "Eli Tzion..." "Weep for Zion and her cities like you would weep for a woman in labor." So, instead of allowing these tragedies to sap you of hope and heart, they should spur you on to greater commitment an devotion in your service of HaShem, for that is the only way to respond to suffering, to neutralize the angel of death, and to hasten our redemption, the coming of Messiah".

Understanding suffering is the first step. Growing and utilizing suffering is the most important step:

"Remember the teaching of our Torah in regard to Lot's wife. Despite the warning of the angels, she looked back and as a result, turned into a pillar of salt. There is an allegorical meaning to this. If you live in the past, you become atrophied, you cannot go forward. "Ma d'hava, hava" ?"What was, was," is the teaching of our sages. You must learn from the past, but at the same time, not be paralyzed by it.

"Move on, for that is the only was in which you can hope to have a better today and tomorrow. If you want to live a meaningful life, if you want your children to remember you with love and respect, then remember that G-d re-creates the world every day, and if you will it, He will re-create you as well".

Once again, her wisdom enlightens our path...

The Month of Mourning, The Month of Father

Every month has its message. It would seem that the message of the month of Av is suffering.

The most memorable date of this month is Tisha B'AV, the 9^th of Av, on which we fast and mourn the destruction of both our Holy Temples, destroyed on the very same day, although centuries apart. That in itself should give us pause, for it testifies that there is a Higher Power directing our history, and that which befalls us does not occur at random.

This time period has been filled with tragic events such as the Spanish Inquisition in 1492, when Jews were expelled from Spain, forcibly converted or burnt at the stake. Throughout the long saga of Jewish history, the month of Av – specifically Tisha B'Av, has always been marked by tragedy, including the start of WWI, which led to WWII and the Holocaust.

But in the midst of all this suffering, there is comfort, for the word "Av" means "Father". The full name of the month is "Menachem Av" which means "Comforting Father", teaching us that just as a father punishes his son, our Father chastises us, but even in the midst of this discipline, He forever remains Our Comforting Father.

(See Video Below:)

In the Book of Deuteronomy, 8:5, it is written "And ye shall know with your heart that, as a father chastises his son, so too does your Heavenly Father chastise you." It is not sufficient for us to "know" - understand this intellectually, but we must feel it with our hearts as well, for the mind and the heart are not always in consonance. You may understand something intellectually, but reject it emotionally, and vice versa, and therefore, heart and mind must combine and see the " heavenly guiding hand that directs our lives. There is a purpose to everything, even if that purpose escapes us".

As King David in Psalm 23 declared, "Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." At the end of the day, after all the calamities and personal suffering, Hashem is "Menachem Av", our Comforting Father. His "rod" and "staff" are signs of love. And this is the message of the month of Av. "That which is unfolding before our very eyes is from the Heavens above and is preparation for the coming of Messiah". We need to look past the physical suffering and understand the spiritual message. If we bear this in our hearts and minds, we will merit the coming of Messiah.

Consider – Is there any nation that after three thousand five hundred years still practices the same religion, studies the same Torah, speaks the same language and despite having been exiled, inhabits the same land? Consider – Is there any other nation that has cried for centuries for its destroyed Temples? We, the Jewish people, not only cry for our Temple, but for Jerusalem and the entire land of Israel. No matter where fate has propelled us, we have never forgotten the Temple or Jerusalem. In every prayer, we beseech G-d to give us the privilege of seeing it rebuilt. It is written that each generation that does not merit seeing the Beit Hamikdash – the Temple being rebuilt is considered responsible for destroying it."

How can we understand this? The second Temple was destroyed because of unwarranted hatred, animosity and controversy among our people, and if we have not merited seeing the Temple rebuilt, it is only because that sin of jealousy and unwarranted hatred continues to prevail among us. "Ask yourself", the Rebbetzin challenges, "Do you harbor animosity and hatred in your heart?" "Is there controversy in your family? The Temple is waiting to be rebuilt... It's all in our hands".

How can we cry for something we never knew?

How can we cry for something we never experienced?

How can we cry for something we've never seen or felt?

The Rebbetzin's guidance is golden: "If you do not know how to cry, cry because you do not know how to cry!" Think about it, and you will quickly realize that your spiritual impoverishment is the most compelling reason for tears.

To quote the Rebbetzin, "Torah study has the power to resolve all your problems, all your conflicts. Within the pages of the Torah, you will find an answer to all your challenges. Torah is an instruction manual for life. It would be difficult to believe that G-d, who created the universe and created us, would have allowed us to come into this world without guidance. Once you discover His instruction manual, your entire vision, your entire perspective, your entire approach to life will change. Open your heart and let G-d's Book speak to you. It's your heritage."

Imagine standing in a dark room and being told to go to the other end. The light gets turned on for a few seconds and you see the path clearly. You continue walking, with the clear image sketched in your mind. However, with time, the image gets blurred, you become confused and even lost. But along the way, you can light candles which will illuminate your path. These candles are Torah teachers, who, with their wisdom of Torah, can show you the way and prevent you from falling.

The Rebbetzin is a candle that gives light to others without losing the power of her flame. She can illuminate the dark path of life through the wisdom of Torah that she has preciously attained.

If you ever have a question, look at the first time that situation arises in the Torah and you will get your answer. I read this in one of the Rebbetzin's books and I thought, "Impossible, not every situation is in the Torah – the issues that we have today are different!" Of course, the Rebbetzin was right. I had a test last year which I hope I didn't fail. It was the hardest of tests, a test of faith. During that time period, I read her book "Life Is A Test" and listened to her words. I looked in the Torah for my situation and I found it with Moses, our rabbi, our teacher.

Nowadays, we are so desperate for answers – we read web sites filled with foolishness, follow the advice of psychologists, therapists and gurus, and forget that the source of all wisdom lies in the Torah. Paradoxically, Christianity and Islam accept the Torah as true! They all agree that it was given to the Jewish people at Mt. Sinai. The Torah's truth is uncontested. The only ones who question it are some of our own Jews......Yet another reason to cry in the month of Av.

Lights Along the Way

Life is a Test. Every situation, problem and even simcha (joy) is a test. We cannot be tested if we are not prepared. So G-d gave us a treasure unlike any other, the Torah, to illuminate our path and enable us to pass our test with dignity.

The Midrash teaches that when Moses ascended Mt. Sinai to receive the Torah from G-d, the angels were fuming with jealousy. "Man is not worthy of this holy gift," they argued, to which Moses responded, "Did you experience Egypt? Did you suffer? Do you have parents? Do you eat? Of what use is the Torah to you? We humans need it precisely because we are human and imperfect. The Torah will guide us and protect us."

(See Video Below:)

Moses triumphed over the angels and Hashem gave the Torah, His most precious diamond to Moses and to all Israel for all eternity. Can you ignore this gift?